My 6 Secrets to Raising Beautifully Imperfect Children

Parenting often feels like a quest for perfection: the perfect bedtime routine, school grades, and behaviour. Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s about raising resilient, kind, and beautifully imperfect kids. It’s about helping them navigate struggles, embrace their strengths, and grow from their failures. We don’t set out as parents to understand this.

I’ve learned this lesson through mistakes, missteps, and plenty of reflection. Hindsight is a beautiful teacher for parenting. These lessons have shaped how I parent, helping me see the beauty in imperfection, both theirs and mine.

Success Comes in Different Forms

Take my two boys, for example. Both were talented hockey players. Zac, a smooth-skating, high-IQ defenseman, was admired for his skill and relentless work ethic. On the other hand, Sawyer was an energetic, crash-and-bang forward you’d hate to face but love to have on your team. Both were perennial captains or assistant captains, and I was lucky to coach and be on their benches for most of the years.

What struck me most was how different their approaches to success were. Zac thrived on constant improvement, always putting in the extra effort to hone his skills. Zac had an internal drive and wanted nothing but team success. While equally impactful on the ice, Sawyer was the kind of kid who could rally his teammates on the bench and in the dressing room. He’d get the scorn, but he’d also get the accolades. He liked the spotlight. Very different.

And yet, both found their version of success.

This taught me the balance of having siblings who compete versus support one another. Or sometimes a mix of both. Zac and Sawyer constantly challenged each other, whether on the ice or at home, but underneath it all, there was always a sense of pride in each other’s accomplishments. Their competition pushed them to grow, while their bond reminded me of the importance of fostering an environment where kids feel supported, no matter their paths.

This taught me something crucial about parenting: success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every child is different, and our role as parents is to encourage them to find their unique path. Whether through relentless hard work, natural talent, or a combination of both, their journey is theirs. But that’s where the magic begins!

6 Parenting Lessons I Would’ve Loved 15 Years Ago

1. Stop Comparing Your Children to Each Other

Every child is on a journey with unique strengths and challenges. Comparing siblings or measuring your child against others only breeds resentment and insecurity. Instead, measure their progress against where they started. Celebrate their growth, no matter how small, and help them see how far they’ve come. It’s not about meeting an ideal. It’s about becoming the best version of themselves.

2. Part of Getting It Right Later Is Getting It Wrong Today

It’s hard to watch our kids stumble, but the truth is that mistakes are part of learning. Parents say, “I hope my kids don’t do the crazy stuff we did.” But maybe those “crazy” stories are worth sharing, not as a badge of honour, but as cautionary tales.

I know my boys will try stupid things because I did, too. My goal isn’t to prevent every mistake; it’s to make sure they’re safe and surrounded by trusted friends when they do. Telling kids, “Don’t do that,” often feels like an invitation in a young adult’s world. Instead, let’s have open conversations about risks, consequences, and the importance of having people you trust by your side.

Does that make me a good or bad parent? I guess let the jury decide.

3. Embrace the Messy Moments

Parenting is messy. Life is messy. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to raise perfect kids or always get it right as parents. It’s to teach them how to navigate the mess gracefully. Mistakes and struggles are growth opportunities for both you and your child. Show them that it’s not about avoiding failure but learning to bounce back.

I’ve had some humbling times over the last few years, largely because of my depression. Those conversations I’ve had with my boys on Christmas morning are tough but show life's ups and downs. And you know what? They love me just the same.

4. Focus on Effort, Not Outcomes

Our world often prioritizes results: grades, trophies, and achievements. However, focusing solely on outcomes can overshadow the value of effort. Celebrate their hard work, resilience, and persistence, even when things don’t happen as planned. This promotes a growth mindset, helping them see that success is about progress, not perfection.

It’s living life according to the Gap and the Gain. I can’t recommend a better book for raising confident, resilient kids and a positive approach to parenting.

5. Be Present, Not Perfect

You don’t need to have all the answers or do everything “right” as a parent. What kids need most is your presence. Whether it’s a hug, an ear to listen, or just being there in the quiet moments, your presence shows them they’re loved and supported. Those moments matter more than any perfectly executed parenting strategy.

I find out the most about what’s going on in your teen’s head when I shut up and listen. Most importantly, don’t try always to fix it!

6. Talk About the Tough Stuff

It’s tempting to shield our kids from hard conversations about failure, grieving, disappointments and past mistakes. But honesty builds trust. Please share your stories not to glorify bad decisions but to help them understand the consequences and the lessons learned. Create a space where they feel safe asking questions, exploring ideas, and making mistakes. When kids know they can come to you without fear of judgment, they’re more likely to seek your guidance when it matters.

Denying that bad things only happen to other families catches those parents so off guard.

Final Thoughts

As parents, we all carry this unspoken pressure to get it right. We aspire to raise these amazing, well-rounded kids who don’t stumble, don’t fail, and don’t repeat the same mistakes we made. But life doesn’t work like that.

I’ve messed up more times than I can count. I’ve said things I regret, made decisions I wish I could take back, and spent sleepless nights replaying moments I wish had gone differently. And you know what? My kids are still thriving. It’s not because I’m perfect, but because I keep showing up, flaws and all.

Raising beautifully imperfect children isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about walking beside them as they navigate their ups and downs. You can show them how to navigate their ups and downs by sharing how you navigate yours. It’s about helping them see their worth, which doesn’t come from perfect grades or choices but from the effort they put in and the person they’re becoming.

So, if you’re like me—imperfect, trying your best, and sometimes wondering if it’s enough, let me say it is. You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. You have to be there. Be present. Be real. And remind your kids that they’re more than enough, even on their most challenging days.

After all, raising beautifully imperfect children is about embracing the messy, unpredictable, imperfect parenting journey. It’s not about perfection; it’s about love. And that, my friend, is something we can all get right.