Transform Your Kids’ Confidence with This Simple Shift
Don’t Have Your Kids Making Resolutions
Every year, as the calendar flips to January, we hear the same thing: “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” It’s a tradition for many, but if we’re honest, how often do those resolutions stick, especially for kids? Resolutions can feel overwhelming, creating pressure to achieve an ideal rather than focusing on what truly matters.
What if we shifted the conversation? Instead of asking kids to set lofty resolutions, we encouraged them to reflect on their achievements. This is the heart of “measuring backwards” from Dan Sullivan’s The Gap and The Gain, a mindset that can inspire growth, confidence, and tangible results.
5 Reasons Why Measuring Backwards Will Inspire Them
1. It Boosts Confidence by Celebrating Wins
One of the most powerful things we can do for our kids is to remind them of their accomplishments. When my son Sawyer took a commission-based sales job at just 18, he faced constant rejection. At first, I focused on the “gap”: how many sales he didn’t make or how far he was from his financial goals. But his confidence grew when I celebrated his courage to take on such a challenging role and the wins he achieved. By focusing on his progress rather than an ideal outcome, he felt empowered to keep going.
Kids thrive when they see how far they’ve come. Measuring backwards helps them own their achievements and believe in their ability to tackle what’s next. But often, they don't see their progress unless, as parents, we bring attention to how far they've come.
2. It Reinforces a Growth Mindset
When kids reflect on their progress, they understand that success isn’t about being perfect. It’s about effort and improvement. I’ve seen this in my work with teens struggling to find direction. When they see how their small steps add up, they realize that setbacks are part of the process. This mindset builds resilience, helping them see challenges as opportunities to grow.
I'll use a simple analogy. If you decide to start working out and set a goal of going to the gym five days a week, if you only go two times, you'll likely beat yourself up for not achieving your goal. Can you still achieve your goal by going twice a week? Is going twice a week better than before you started going to the gym? Our goal is to continue moving forward. Celebrate this!
3. It Provides Motivation to Keep Going
Imagine your child’s excitement when they realize they’ve improved their reading skills, gained confidence speaking in front of the class, or mastered a tricky sports skill. Recognizing their progress motivates them to push further. It’s like learning to skate. When you look back and see how far you've come, you feel energized to keep going. Which approach encourages you to keep going?
4. It Focuses on What Truly Matters
Resolutions often encourage kids to chase goals that aren’t meaningful to them. Measuring backwards keeps them grounded in what they care about. For example, instead of resolving to “be better at sports,” reflecting on how much fun they’ve had improving their teamwork skills or hitting new personal bests can feel far more rewarding.
5. It Builds Gratitude and a Positive Outlook
Measuring backwards naturally fosters gratitude. When kids reflect on their progress, they’re more likely to appreciate their efforts and those who supported them. This gratitude fuels happiness and a sense of accomplishment, which are far more sustainable than the fleeting excitement of a resolution.
5 Reasons Why Making Resolutions Will Disappoint Them
1. Resolutions Set Unrealistic Expectations
Resolutions often encourage kids to aim for ideal outcomes that can feel unattainable. A child resolving to “get straight A’s” without considering their current challenges is setting themselves up for frustration. This all-or-nothing approach can make them feel like they’ve failed before they’ve even started.
2. They Lead to Burnout
The “new year, new me” mentality might work for a week or two, but it quickly loses steam. Kids can’t sustain the pressure to keep up with lofty resolutions, leading to burnout and discouragement.
3. They Focus on the Gap, Not the Gain
Resolutions highlight what is missing rather than celebrating what has been achieved. This focus on the gap creates feelings of inadequacy and makes it harder for kids to stay motivated.
4. They Dismiss Small Wins
Resolutions are often tied to significant, dramatic changes, but life is built on small, consistent steps forward. When kids feel their smaller achievements don’t count, they’re less likely to stick with their goals.
5. They Feel Like a Chore, Not a Choice
Kids need to feel connected to their goals for them to matter. Resolutions can feel like something they “should” do rather than genuinely want to pursue. This disconnect makes them easy to abandon.
The Power of Measuring Backwards
After Maddie’s passing, I learned firsthand how important it is to focus on progress over perfection. There were days when simply getting through felt like an achievement. Reflecting on how far I’d come helped me find the strength to keep moving forward. I’ve carried that lesson into how I encourage my boys to set goals and measure their own growth.
This year, try something different instead of asking your kids to make resolutions or set big goals. Sit down with them and discuss their accomplishments in the past year. Celebrate the wins, big and small. Ask them what they’re proud of, what they learned, and what they want to keep working on.
Focusing on their journey, you help them see that progress, not perfection, truly matters. This lesson will stick with them far longer than any resolution ever could.
Closing Thoughts
Measuring backwards isn’t just a mindset for the new year; it’s a way of life. It teaches kids to value their growth, find joy in their progress, and build resilience for the challenges ahead. So, this year, skip the resolutions and give your kids the gift of reflection. Celebrate their achievements and inspire them to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
