From Fear to Success: The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids
Maddie Coulter rock jumping, Baptiste Lake, Ontario
The Greatest Lesson You Can Teach Your Kids About Success
At 22 years old, I started my first straight-commission job as a recruiter. I had no sales experience, formal training, or real idea of what I was doing. A few years older than me, my boss sported a dollar sign shaved into his head. It was an image that felt more intimidating than inspiring. I had a phone, a desk, and a telephone book, and he said, “Start smiling and dialling.” That was the entirety of my training.
Sitting there, staring at that phone, was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I knew the task ahead: cold-calling strangers, bracing for rejection and desperately hoping for some success. The fear was paralyzing. What if I failed? What if they were rude, hung up, or worse?
By lunchtime, I’d had enough. I walked to Queen’s Park to meet my girlfriend, who had just started her new job nearby. As we sat on a park bench eating lunch, I told her I was considering quitting. I’d barely started and was already ready to throw in the towel. We talked through it, and I returned to the office after much deliberation.
For the next two years, I stayed in that role. I learned to overcome the fear of rejection, built resilience with every call I made, and developed the foundational skills that would carry me through my career. If I had quit that day, I would’ve missed the lessons from facing my fear.
Why Fear Is a Necessary Teacher
Fear often gets a bad reputation. It’s seen as something to avoid, a signal to stop. But what if we taught our kids that fear is a sign of growth? It’s a natural response to stepping outside of our comfort zone. And that’s precisely where the most meaningful progress happens.
Too often, as parents, we want to shield our kids from fear and discomfort. We swoop in to fix problems, smooth over challenges, or even do the hard things for them. While our intentions are good, we’re robbing them of the chance to develop the skills they’ll need to succeed in life: resilience, perseverance, and courage.
The Dangers of “Short Roping”
In climbing, there’s a term called “short roping.” It’s when a guide keeps the rope so tight that the climber has no room to move or explore independently. While it ensures safety, it also prevents the climber from learning and growing. As parents, we often short-rope our kids. It might be completing their homework, intervening in every social conflict, or making decisions on their behalf.
The result? They miss out on the lessons from navigating fear and adversity themselves.
Teaching Kids to Face Their Fears
So, how do we help our kids build resilience and embrace fear as a teacher? Here are a few practical steps:
Share Your Own Stories:
Let your kids know that fear and failure are universal. Tell them about a time when you were scared but pushed through. For me, it was that first job, facing rejection call after call. Over time, I learned to see each “no” as a step closer to a “yes.”
Encourage Risk-Taking:
Support your kids in trying new things, even if they’re scary. Whether auditioning for the school play, trying a new sport, or speaking in front of the class, these moments of courage build confidence over time.
Let Them Fail Safely:
Failure isn’t the end; it’s part of the process. If your child struggles, resist the urge to step in immediately. Offer guidance and support, but let them figure it out.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Success:
When your kids face their fears, celebrate the bravery it took, regardless of the outcome. Focus on their growth and effort, reinforcing that the journey matters as much as the destination.
The Rewards of Perseverance
The lessons that come from facing fear are life-changing. They teach our kids that success isn’t about avoiding challenges but pushing through them. It’s about learning that every “no” gets you closer to a “yes,” every stumble is a step forward, and every moment of fear is an opportunity for growth.
If I had walked away from that recruiting job at 22, I wouldn’t have the skills, resilience, or confidence I have today. Facing fear is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. It’s where the most valuable lessons are learned.
Takeaways?
Fear isn’t the enemy; it’s a teacher. As parents, our greatest responsibility is to guide our kids through their moments of fear, showing them that growth lies on the other side. The next time your child faces a challenge, remind them that this is their moment to dig in, this is where they’ll grow, and this is how they’ll succeed.
