I remember Maddie tried to opt out of family stuff she used to participate in happily. We rationalize that our kids won’t be our precious little obedient children forever. Similarly, there was a time when I could do no wrong in her eyes. She would look up at me with adoration, and then one day, it stopped. “I’m just tired.” I nodded and moved on with my day, assuming it was a rough night’s sleep or a busy school schedule. But looking back, I realize it was the first sign of something deeper. That one phrase, so easy to brush off, was the start of a pattern I almost missed.

As parents, we often wait for clear, unmistakable signs that our teen is struggling. We think, I’ll know when it’s serious. But the truth? The signs are often already there. They may be subtle, quiet, and easy to overlook in the busyness of life.

This is about awareness and recognizing that those small moments matter, and learning how to respond with compassion and curiosity.

Why Do We Miss the Signs?

It’s not because we don’t care. It’s because the signs aren’t always obvious. Teens don’t usually come to us and say, “I’m overwhelmed, and I don’t know how to handle it.” Instead, their struggles show up in ways that are easy to misinterpret: mood swings, withdrawal, or even just “being a teenager.”

Sometimes, we get so caught up in waiting for a crisis that we miss the subtle shifts happening right before us. A quiet teen might be assumed to need “space,” or a bad mood might be chalked up to hormones. Life is busy, and those small signs can slip through the cracks.

But here’s the thing: those subtle signs? They’re just as important as the big ones.

The Signs Are Already There

Your teen might not say, “I’m struggling,” but they’re likely telling you in other ways.

Here are some of the signs that might be easy to overlook:

Changes in Sleeping or Eating Habits: Sleeping too much, too little, skipping meals, and binge eating can be signs of emotional distress.
Loss of Interest in Hobbies or Friends: If they suddenly stop doing the things they love or avoid their usual social circle, it’s worth a deeper look.
For years, Maddie was a passionate, competitive swimmer until one day, it wasn’t fun anymore. She asked to quit, and I relented too quickly. We could’ve looked at alternative levels of competitiveness versus just quitting. You’re not going to get it right every time.
Increased Irritability or Withdrawal: Teens may lash out or pull away, often to manage emotions they can’t articulate.
Sudden Drop in Grades: Struggling to keep up at school might be less about laziness and more about internal battles.
Unexplained Physical Complaints: Frequent headaches or stomach aches can sometimes be physical manifestations of stress or anxiety.

Why Teens Stay Quiet

It’s not that they don’t want help; they’re unsure how to ask for it. They might fear judgment or feel their struggles aren’t “big enough” to matter. Sometimes, they don’t have the words to explain their feelings.

That’s why it’s up to us, as parents, to create a safe space where they feel seen and heard. This is even when they don’t know how to start the conversation.

What Can We Do?

The good news? You don’t need to have all the answers. You need to be present. Here’s how you can start:

Spend Intentional Time Observing: Pay attention to changes, even small ones. It’s not about becoming hypervigilant—it’s about being mindful.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of, “Are you okay?” try, “How are you feeling about everything lately?”
Look for Patterns: Keep track of recurring signs, like mood changes or withdrawn behaviour. Patterns often tell a story.
Seek Help When Needed: If the signs persist or escalate, it’s okay to seek professional support. Sometimes, a therapist, coach, mentor or counsellor can provide the safe space your teen needs.

Build Trust Through Connection

Here’s the key: building trust doesn’t happen during a crisis. It occurs in the everyday moments. The car rides back from hockey practice, the late-night chats, the quiet times when you’re just there.

Be approachable. Let them know it’s safe to talk about the hard stuff without fear of overreaction. And if you do get it wrong (because we all do), own it. Apologize. Show them relationships are built on honesty, not perfection.

Final Thoughts

If you’re waiting for a clear sign that your teen is struggling, stop waiting. The signs are likely already there—subtle shifts in behaviour, quiet signals they might not even realize they’re sending.

The best thing you can do is be present. Be curious. And above all, be compassionate. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start noticing. The time to show up is now.

Your teen doesn’t need you to solve every problem. They just need to know you’re there, paying attention, and ready to walk alongside them when they’re ready to share.

Because sometimes, the greatest gift we can give is simply noticing.

Are You Waiting for a Sign? The Signs Are Already There