The Reason Your Teen Won’t Talk to You (It’s Not What You Think)
The Game Your Teen Doesn’t Realize You’re Playing With Them
Every parent has played this game.
You ask your teen, “How was your day?”
They shrug. “Fine.”
You try again. “Anything interesting happen?”
“Nope.”
And just like that, the conversation is over before it even starts.
The game? It’s called The Waiting Game.
And here’s the twist, your teen doesn’t even know they’re playing.
Most parents assume their teen won’t talk because they don’t want to. That’s not it.
The real reason? They don’t feel safe enough to open up.
It's not physically safe; it’s emotionally safe. They'll choose silence whenever they think they’ll be judged, dismissed, or lectured.
The good news? You can win this game. But first, you have to stop playing it the wrong way.
1. The Power of Silence: Why You Need to Lose Before You Win
Try this right now:
Next time you ask your teen a question, say nothing after.
Just wait.
Most parents rush to fill the silence. They rephrase the question, suggest possible answers, and don’t give their teen the space to process.
But teens need time. If you let the silence hang for a few seconds, they might actually surprise you with what comes next.
It’s awkward, but it works.
The key to winning this game? You have to lose first. Lose the need to control the conversation. Lose the urge to fix everything. Lose the habit of filling every quiet moment with words.
Give them room to speak on their own terms.
2. Your Reactions Have Already Taught Them to Stay Silent
Your teen has opened up before.
But what happened next?
Did you overreact?
Did you start interrogating them?
Did you turn it into a life lesson?
If so, they’ve learned: Talking = Stress.
Example: Your teen tells you their friend is vaping.
You freak out. “Who? When? Where? Are YOU vaping?”
Now, they regret telling you. Next time? They’ll keep it to themselves.
How to change the game:
Take a breath.
Stay neutral.
Say, “That’s interesting. What do you think about that?”
The less reactive you are, the more they’ll trust you with the bigger stuff.
3. You’re Asking the Wrong Questions
The fastest way to lose the game?
Ask boring, predictable questions.
“How was school?” → Fine.
“Did you have fun?” → Yep.
These don’t invite real answers.
Better moves to make:
“Who made you laugh today?”
“If today had a theme song, what would it be?”
“What’s something weird that happened?”
Change how you ask, and you’ll change how they answer.
4. They Think You Won’t Understand
A teen opens up about feeling overwhelmed.
The parent responds, “You think that’s stressful? Try paying a mortgage.”
Boom. Conversation over.
When you minimize their struggles, they stop coming to you.
Better strategy:
Don’t compare.
Say, “Tell me more.”
Just listen.
5. The Best Conversations Don’t Happen on Schedule
Parents want deep talks when they’re ready, but teens open up when they’re ready.
You can’t force the timing.
But you can be ready when the moment comes.
It won’t be when you sit them down for a “talk.”
It won’t be when you demand answers.
It will be when they feel safe and unpressured—like when you're driving, walking the dog, or just hanging out.
One dad tried for months to get his son to talk about feeling left out at school.
Nothing worked.
Then, one night while shooting hoops in the driveway, the son casually said, “Yeah, I feel kind of left out sometimes.”
The dad didn’t stop the game. He just kept passing the ball and asked, “That sucks. Why do you think that is?”
And just like that, his son was talking.
Some of the best conversations happen side-by-side, not face-to-face.
6. The Trick That Wins the Game Every Time
Next time your teen walks into the room, try something different.
Instead of asking a direct question, make an observation:
“You seem tired today.”
“I noticed you’ve been quieter than usual.”
“I saw you were really into that video—what was it about?”
Then wait.
Silence is uncomfortable.
But that space? That’s where trust grows.
Your teen wants to talk.
They need to know you’re actually listening.
