The Most Dangerous Words a Parent Can Say: ‘It Won’t Happen to Us.’
About a year after my daughter Maddie died by suicide at the age of 14, I was invited to speak to a group of middle school parents. Maddie was in Grade 9 when she passed. There were no dramatic warning signs. She was kind, bright, and deeply empathetic. The talk I prepared was titled, “Wake Up, You Could Lose Your Teen to Suicide.”
A few days before the event, the school called to cancel.
Only four parents had signed up.
The False Sense of Security
When I hung up the phone, I wasn’t angry. I was heartbroken. Too many parents assume their child is fine. They say things like:
“My kid is really well adjusted.”
“We talk about everything.”
“That would never happen in our family.”
These are dangerous assumptions. And they’re more common than you might think. I’ve been hearing them for years, and I’ve also seen what often happens next when that sense of safety gets shattered.
Mental Health Issues Don’t Come with Warnings
When I ran a program called HowAreYouFeeling.org, which taught teens emotional self-awareness and resilience, we gave 500 parents access to the same content their teens watched. Less than 5% took part.
That number didn’t surprise me, but it did concern me. Especially considering that nearly 40% of teens will experience a significant change in their mental health during adolescence. Many of those kids won’t tell their parents. Not because they don’t love them but because they don’t want to be a burden, they’re afraid, or they don’t know how to articulate what’s going on inside.
The Myth of “They Would Tell Me”
I hear this often: “My child talks to me about everything.” And while I wish that were always true, experience tells me otherwise.
Teens often go to great lengths to protect their parents from worry. They mask their feelings, hide their pain, and sometimes even perform happiness to keep the peace. Maddie did. Many others do, too.
That’s why the words “It won’t happen to us” are so dangerous. Mental health struggles don’t discriminate. They affect high-achievers, extroverts, athletes, artists, every kind of teen, and every type of family.
Prevention Must Come Before Crisis
By the time I get the phone calls and messages, “My child tried to take their life. We didn’t see it coming.”, parents are no longer in prevention mode. They’re in crisis. And at that point, everything shifts. You're scrambling. You're afraid. You’re trying to hold your family together.
That’s why prevention must be proactive, not reactive.
How Parents Can Show Up Differently
Here’s what showing up looks like:
Watch the mental health programs your teen is engaging with.
Ask questions that go beyond daily routines.
Sit in discomfort.
Create space for honesty, even if it’s messy.
Remind your teen that no feeling is too big or too shameful to share.
Don’t freak out if they share something upsetting with you.
These aren’t dramatic changes. They’re small, consistent signals that you’re open, present, and willing to listen without judgment.
A Call to Wake Up
This message isn’t meant to instill fear. It’s intended to break through denial.
Whenever I speak to a parent who says, “I never thought it could happen to us,” I think back to that cancelled presentation. Four parents signed up. Four out of hundreds.
Let that be a warning, not a statistic.
Please don’t wait until you’re in the emergency room or facing the aftermath of a suicide attempt. Take action before the crisis. Stay involved. Stay curious. And never assume your family is immune.
Because the truth is none of us are.
