Silent Treatment From Your Teen? Here’s How To Get Them To Open Up

What to Do When Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

There’s nothing worse as a parent than knowing something is wrong with your kid but not knowing what it is. It’s like a slow, agonizing torture. You sit there, trying to figure it out, overthinking every little thing they’ve said or done, running through all the possible worst-case scenarios in your head. You want to help so badly, but they’re shutting you out. Trust me, I’ve been there—it’s one of the most helpless feelings in the world.

I remember feeling like I was losing my mind when my daughter Maddie wouldn’t open up. I tried everything—asking questions, giving her advice, trying to fix whatever was going on—but it didn’t work. In fact, it only made things worse. She pulled away even more, and I just felt like I was making things harder for her.

It’s such a natural instinct as a parent to want to fix things for your kid, but sometimes, the harder you push, the more they shut down. And when you don’t know what’s wrong, that silence is terrifying.

What Helped Me: Show Up, Don’t Push

One day, I just stopped. I stopped trying to get her to talk. I pulled the car over, hugged her tight, and said, “I love you. And no matter what’s going on, nothing you say will change that.” I didn’t ask any questions, didn’t offer advice—just reassured her that I was there, no matter what.

That was the moment things started to shift.

With Maddie, it wasn’t the big talks that got her to open up—it was the small, quiet moments. We’d watch old movies together, wrapped up on the couch with popcorn, or I’d go into her room and just sit at the edge of her bed, sometimes lying down next to her in silence. Eventually, she’d start talking. It didn’t always happen right away, but I learned that she’d open up when she was ready by just being there and not pushing.

The hardest part was biting my tongue—staying present and listening without immediately offering “parent advice.” But once I removed that “parent hat” and just listened, she let her guard down.

How to Reach Your Teen When They Shut You Out

Every kid is different, but here are some things that might help when your teen doesn’t want to talk:

1. Be Present Without Expecting Anything: Sometimes, just being there—no questions, no pressure—gives them the space to open up independently. Sit with them, hang out, or do something they enjoy. It doesn’t have to be a big moment.

2. Reassure Them Without Pushing: Remind them that you're there for them unconditionally no matter what they’re going through. Say it and mean it: “I love you, and nothing you say or do is going to change that.” It might take a few times, but it helps them feel safe enough to open up.

3. Don’t Take Their Silence Personally: It’s tough not to feel rejected when your kid won’t talk, but their silence isn’t about you. They’re just trying to work through something in their own way. Give them space without taking it as a personal blow.

4. Create Casual Opportunities to Connect: Teens aren’t always going to sit down at the kitchen table and pour their hearts out. Sometimes, they feel more comfortable opening up in the car, out for a walk, or doing something fun together.

5. Let Them Lead the Conversation: When they start talking, listen. Don’t jump in with solutions or advice unless they ask for it. Sometimes, they need to know you’re there to hear them out without judgment or trying to “fix” everything.

Don’t Walk on Eggshells Around Your Kids

Over the years, I’ve spoken to many parents who fear upsetting their kids. They tiptoe around their teenagers, afraid of triggering an argument or an emotional meltdown. It’s like the balance of power has flipped, and the kid is calling all the shots.

I get it—we’ve all had those moments when it’s easier to give in to avoid the blow-up. We’ve all seen kids at the store having a meltdown because they couldn’t have a toy or candy (okay, it may have been many of us). It was easier to give her what she wanted to stop the chaos. But the more you give in, the more power you hand over to them—and once they hold all the cards, it’s tough to regain that balance.

Your kids need boundaries. They need you to be their parent, not their friend. You can’t be so afraid of upsetting them that you stop being someone they can lean on when things get tough. Giving them power out of fear doesn’t help them. It leaves them feeling lost, with no one to turn to when they need guidance.

You Can’t Take Away Their Pain, But You Can Be There

Here’s the thing: as much as we want to, we can’t protect our kids from every hurt or fix all their problems. And that’s a brutal truth to face as a parent. But we can show up for them, be present, and make sure they know we’re here, no matter what.

With Maddie, those quiet moments together—watching a movie, sitting silently, or lying next to her on her bed—eventually got her to talk. It wasn’t immediate, but just showing up without expectations made all the difference over time.

So, if your teen isn’t talking to you right now, don’t panic. Don’t try to force it. Just keep showing up. But you have to be patient. In some cases, trust needs to be re-established. Let them know you’re there; when they’re ready, they’ll approach you. And trust me, that’s enough. That’s what they need most.