How Children Navigate the Sudden Loss of a Sibling
Years ago, shortly after we lost Maddie to depression, I began sharing our story, hoping it would help others while allowing us to navigate our own grief. Along this journey, I’ve connected with countless individuals who have experienced their own devastating losses. Some are only just beginning to cope, while others have carried the weight of their grief for decades. I’ve met several people who, due to various circumstances, lost a sibling years ago, and in cases of suicide, the loss was rarely publicly acknowledged. Only now are they starting to truly deal with the pain. These shared experiences have become therapeutic, offering comfort, understanding, and a reminder that we’re not alone in our suffering.
A Simple Conversation That Made a Difference
One particular memory that stands out is from a hockey fundraiser for my son’s team. Surrounded by parents who have been part of my support network for years, I found myself chatting with a familiar group of faces. I was introduced to someone new, and as we started talking, I could see a look of recognition cross her face. She told me that she had just read one of my blogs about Maddie, her eyes filling with tears. This wasn’t the first time someone had approached me like this, but it touched me deeply each time. The empathy parents feel for our loss is always moving.
The following morning, I received an email from the woman I had met. She apologized for her emotional reaction and shared her own story—she had lost her teenage brother in a tragic accident involving a drunk driver more than two decades ago. The pain, even after all those years, was still palpable, and it was clear that her grief had never fully been acknowledged. Her compassion for my boys, Zac and Sawyer, was overwhelming. She expressed how much she empathized with them, knowing firsthand the difficulty of losing a sibling. It was a powerful reminder for me to ensure that my boys continue to receive the support they need, not just now, but for the rest of their lives.
Supporting Our Boys, One Step at a Time
As parents, it’s easy to question whether we’re doing enough to help our kids cope with such profound loss. Some of their behaviours can be attributed to the deep grief of losing Maddie, while others are just part of growing up. We keep communication open, provided them with counselling, and most importantly, let them know they’re not alone. Over the years, Zac and Sawyer have thrown themselves into fundraising and other initiatives to support The Maddie Project, a cause that helps raise awareness for youth mental health and depression.
Today, my boys continue their work with The Maddie Project and now collaborate closely with me on several mental health initiatives. For Zac, promoting mental wellness and awareness is something deeply personal. As he says, it will always be a part of him—not just to honour his sister, but to prevent other children from having to endure the loss and grief that he and Sawyer have faced since Maddie’s passing. Their dedication to this cause drives everything they do, ensuring that no family walks this painful journey alone.
Zac has especially stepped up in ways I never imagined. Several local high schools chose The Maddie Project as their charity of the year, and Zac volunteered to be the ambassador for the initiative. Speaking at school assemblies, he bravely shared our family’s story to raise awareness about mental illness, especially from the perspective of a sibling. For anyone who knows Zac, this is no small feat—stepping out of his comfort zone and speaking publicly is incredibly difficult for him. But his empathy for others drives him.
Honouring Maddie’s Legacy
My boys continue to honour their sister through fundraising and other meaningful initiatives. They’ve found ways to keep Maddie’s memory alive by supporting causes that reflect her spirit and helping to raise awareness about mental health. These efforts are a testament to their resilience and dedication to ensuring no other family experiences the same pain we have felt.
Please understand that grief doesn’t have a start and a finishing point. It morphs into various forms over time, sometimes appearing unexpectedly, like a wave catching you off guard. It can soften or intensify, but it never fully leaves. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding ways to live with the memories and emotions. With love, patience, and support, we learn to carry our grief while still embracing life’s joys.
The loss of a sibling leaves a profound and lasting impact. For children, it’s not just losing a family member—it’s losing someone they expected to share life’s biggest moments with. That absence is deeply felt during milestones, and grief can resurface unexpectedly. Over time, they learn to carry their sibling’s memory, shaping their identity and growth. Our role is to provide steady support, helping them navigate this ongoing grief journey with love and patience.
