Parenting on Empty: When Your Child’s Pain Becomes Your Own
When Your Child’s Depression and Anxiety Become Your Own
Parenting has always been a balancing act: work, relationships, responsibilities, and the unpredictable needs of our kids. But when your child is struggling with their mental health, that balance doesn’t just tip; it feels like it shatters. Suddenly, it’s not just their world that shifts; it’s yours, too.
I know this because I’ve been there. My daughter Maddie was 14 when she was hospitalized for depression. For two months, we sat by her side in a psychiatric unit, holding on to hope and grappling with fear. I’d replay moments in my head over and over again, asking myself the same questions:
Am I doing enough?
Did I miss the signs?
What if I can’t help her?
These aren’t questions you say out loud, not even to the people closest to you. They’re the kind you whisper in the dark when exhaustion and guilt feel too heavy to bear.
The Silent Toll on Parents
Maddie’s struggles weren’t just hers; they consumed me, too. As a parent, you want to be their rock, but when you see your child in pain, you can’t help but question everything about yourself.
For me, it wasn’t just emotional. It was sleepless nights, missed work, and a constant sense of helplessness. Life doesn’t pause when your child is hurting. The bills still need to be paid, the work still needs to get done (even if it takes four times as long), and the commitments still need to be maintained.
But staying on task felt impossible. My mind was constantly pulled in different directions, filled with voices screaming, “What more could you have done? Why didn’t you see this sooner?” The fear was relentless, and the chaos in my head made even the smallest tasks feel insurmountable.
The Ripple Effect on Life
Mental health challenges don’t just affect one person; they ripple through the entire family. Relationships become strained, finances take a hit, and the emotional toll is overwhelming.
One day, Maddie handed me a note. It simply said, “I feel like I’m broken, and I don’t know how to fix it.” I still remember the ache in my chest reading those words. Maddie wasn’t broken. She was battling an illness she couldn’t explain, and I didn’t know how to heal.
That’s the reality of parenting a child with mental health struggles. You do everything you can, but it never feels like enough. And the weight of that uncertainty touches every part of your life.
Who Takes Care of You?
I wish someone had told me back then: it’s okay to take care of yourself, too.
When you’re in the thick of it, self-care feels selfish. How can you even think about yourself when your child is struggling? But here’s the truth: if you burn out, you can’t be the parent your child needs.
Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, it’s stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, texting a friend who understands, or just allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment. I wish I knew other parents who had been through similar experiences. Hearing their stories, knowing I wasn’t alone, but I didn’t know other parents going through what we were going through.
But here’s the hard part, especially for single parents: life doesn’t pause. The voices in your head don’t stop yelling, and the fear doesn’t go away. You wish you could hit a pause button for just an hour to catch your breath, but that button doesn’t exist.
Even so, those small moments matter. It all adds up: a quiet car ride, or even a deep breath in the middle of the chaos. It reminds you that you’re human too and that you’re doing the best you can.
Finding Support Together
One of the most powerful steps a parent can take is asking for help. Programs like KixCommunity didn’t exist to support families navigating their children’s mental health challenges when we needed them. But they are available today. They connect parents with resources, mental health experts, and a community that understands what you’re going through.
The journey won’t be easy, and there’s no magic solution. But asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing for both you and your child.
Maddie’s Legacy
Losing Maddie taught me the importance of having these conversations, no matter how difficult they are. Mental health is something we need to talk about openly, not just for our kids but for ourselves, too.
If you’re a parent feeling overwhelmed, know you’re not alone. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just take one small step, whether it’s reaching out for support, giving yourself permission to rest, or simply reminding your child they’re loved.
Maddie’s story reminds me daily that there’s hope in small steps forward, even in the darkest moments.
