Antidepressants: The Conversations We’re Afraid to Have
I’ve lived through some of the hardest things a person can endure. The suicide of my 14-year-old daughter, Maddie, was a heartbreak I couldn’t begin to articulate. Add to that the struggles of a failed marriage and ugly divorce, a business collapse, and the crushing weight of depression. It felt like the walls of my life had caved in. Sheer will and determination aren’t enough when facing monumental levels of grief.
But life is rarely just one thing. Alongside those tragedies, I’ve found triumphs. I rebuilt my life and turned Maddie’s loss into a mission to bring awareness to youth mental health. I’ve committed my life to helping other families navigate this journey.
I’m often asked by parents my opinion on antidepressants. I say, “If you find the right one, without too many side effects, it can positively change your life. However, it often takes multiple attempts to find the right medication, and can come with some harmful side effects.” It’s probably not the less-than-enthusiastic endorsement you were looking for. I’m not going to sugar-coat it for you. They’re effective for some but certainly not for all.
The Challenge of Medication
I resumed taking antidepressants a month after Maddie passed. I resisted at first. My past experiences with antidepressant medication hadn’t been great, and I feared the side effects. I had been on them before when going through the financial crisis of 2008, when our business was facing it’s most challenging test. These were the toughest and most apparent side effects I’d experienced.
Weight gain or loss.
Exhaustion or overstimulation.
Stomach issues, mood swings, or restlessness.
Suicidal thoughts or emotional indifference.
Sexual indifference and erectile dysfunction
Headaches and nausea
You try to find a medication that battles the condition without too many frustrating side effects. It took me six attempts.
The list was daunting. But the alternative was worse. My therapist, Dr. G, convinced me it was worth a try. Within a week, I noticed a difference. The medication didn’t erase my pain, but it gave me enough clarity and stability to keep moving forward.
The Frustration of Side Effects
Finding the right medication is like walking a tightrope. One drug might help you sleep but leave you numb. Another might boost your mood but wreak havoc on your stomach. Often, you’re forced to weigh whether the benefits outweigh the side effects.
For me, the side effects were a mixed bag. I felt relief but also agitation at times. Some days I struggled with emotional detachment. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than the alternative.
Better Way to Determine The Right Antidepressant For You
Today, some services can help you determine the best medication for the first time. Pharmacogenomic testing, like the Genecept Assay (now replaced by OptimalRx Plus), analyzes genetic markers to help clinicians tailor psychiatric treatments. This testing aims to improve effectiveness and minimize side effects by identifying how individuals metabolize and respond to medications. The process involves a simple cheek swab, providing insights to reduce the trial-and-error period in prescribing mental health treatments.
Tests like OptimalRx Plus, priced around $495 US, are particularly helpful for those who’ve struggled with standard psychiatric treatments, face complex medication regimens, or have a family history of medication resistance. While these tests offer valuable guidance, they should complement, not replace, clinical judgment. Similar services, such as GeneSight Psychotropic and NeuroIDgenetix, also help personalize psychiatric care, providing more targeted and effective treatment options.
The Decision to Stop and Start Again
After 18 months, I decided to wean myself off the medication. I didn’t want to feel dependent on a pill to get through the day. Friends and family had differing opinions; some encouraged me to stop, and others warned me it was too soon.
For a while, I managed without it. But the lows started creeping back in. I realized that for me, the stability the medication provided outweighed the stigma I once associated with taking it. I wasn’t weaker for needing it; I was stronger for recognizing what my mental health required.
What Mental Health Looks Like
Mental health is a daily commitment. Whether achieved through therapy, exercise, lifestyle changes, medication or a combination of the above. The goal is to find a state where you can function, connect, and live a fulfilling life.
Medication isn’t a cure-all, and it’s not for everyone. But for those who need it, it can be life-changing. The side effects of untreated mental illness can be far more devastating.
Lessons from Maddie’s Legacy
Raising awareness is only the first step. The real work is reducing stigma so people feel safe asking for help. That includes acknowledging that medication is a valid part of the mental health toolkit.
For entrepreneurs like me, the stigma can feel even heavier. Studies show entrepreneurs experience mental health challenges at more than twice the rate of the general population, yet many suffer in silence. I did for years. I thought asking for help made me weak. I know it’s one of the strongest things you can do.
The Balancing Act
I’ve decided medication is part of my journey. Maybe it’s temporary, or maybe it’s permanent. It helps me show up as the person I want to be for my family, business, and myself. As Dr G reminds me, you’re feeling better because of the medication.
If you’re weighing whether medication is right for you, know this: it’s not about strength or weakness. It’s about giving yourself the tools you need to live a meaningful and whole life. Sometimes, medication is one of those tools.
Because maintaining your mental health is just as important as finding it.
Sources and Statistics:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 2022 Youth Risk Behavior Survey: Nearly 1 in 5 high school students have seriously considered suicide.
National Institute of Mental Health: Antidepressants are effective for 60-70% of individuals, but side effects vary widely.
Small Business Economics Journal: Entrepreneurs experience depression at twice the rate of the general population.
