I Still Have Dark Days, But Now They Empower Me
I published my first mental health article back in October 2012, and I vividly remember how nervous I felt hitting that "share" button. Talking about my battle with depression was not something you typically heard from men, especially not so publicly. But to my surprise, people responded with overwhelming support and understanding. I like to think I’ve helped a few people along the way.
Reflecting on that moment now, it felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, sharing something deeply personal in a very public space. What I didn’t expect was how much it would resonate with others. That post was read tens of thousands of times. Since then, my journey has brought more pain, tears, and loss and so much kindness, self-reflection, and personal growth. I’m still on that road, but I’ve come a long way.
Why Share Again?
I’m not sharing to chase likes or sympathy—I want to share this update for anyone walking their difficult road, to let them know that light does come no matter how dark it seems. Twelve years ago, I talked about breaking through the darkness, and that’s still true today. But now, I also realize that the darkness may come back, and that’s okay, too. It’s part of the process.
Hard Lessons Learned
There’s been a lot more pain since I wrote that first post. Losing my daughter Maddie was the hardest of all. It gave me skills I didn’t realize I would need—ones no parent should have to develop. But since then, I’ve learned through self-reflection, practical experience, and even through trial and error. In many ways, I’ve had to rebuild myself, one piece at a time, every day.
I’ve learned that recovery isn’t about perfection but persistence. And parenting, like mental health, doesn’t come with a handbook. What our parents knew might not fit how we raise our kids today. But we live, we learn, and we grow.
The Importance of Measuring Backwards
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is the importance of looking back to see how far we’ve come, rather than focusing on how far we still need to go. We recognize the resilience and growth we’ve built through every challenge when we measure backwards. Even in the worst moments, like losing Maddie, I can see the good that’s come from sharing her story and raising awareness. I would give anything to have her back, but I’ve learned to reflect on how those experiences have shaped me and how, every day, the goal is to move forward—even if it’s just a little bit. The progress is in the journey, not the destination.
More Than Just Surviving
Looking back, the tools I relied on—gratitude, embracing passion, exercise, and goal-setting—are still important, but now I see that growth happens in the quiet moments, too. Some days, simply getting through is enough, and that’s okay. Maddie’s memory reminds me that life isn’t just about milestones but every step in between.
What I Would Tell Myself 12 Years Ago
If I could go back, I’d remind myself that while asking for help is okay, it’s also okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, life is unfair, and anger will bubble up. I’d tell myself that it’s okay to sit with those feelings but not let them control me. That it’s okay to fall down, as long as I keep finding ways to stand back up.
Moving Forward
I’ve learned that living one day at a time is a gift—sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves. My journey hasn’t ended, but I walk it with more compassion for myself and others today. My skill set has grown in ways I never expected, and though the journey is far from easy, I’ve come to appreciate the balance of struggle and growth that life brings.
Reflecting on this journey over the past 12 years, one thing has become clear: we all can grow, even through the darkest times. There’s been loss and pain, but there's also been so much resilience and unexpected strength. Sharing my story wasn’t easy, but knowing it may have helped others makes it all worth it. Every step, no matter how small, moves us forward—and that’s where progress lives.
If you’re struggling, know that it’s okay to take it one day at a time, and never hesitate to seek help. Your story, too, can inspire growth and healing—for yourself and others.
See my original 2012 blog post HERE
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