Hate When People Try to Fix Your Problems? So Does Your Teen

Getting Unwanted Advice Doesn’t Feel Good

I recently caught up with a friend. We hadn’t spoken in months. It wasn’t because of any falling out, but because I needed some distance. The last time we spoke, I was sharing a difficult situation I was going through, and before I could finish, he jumped in with a stream of advice.

“You need to do this,” he said. “Have you tried that?”

I know he meant well. But the truth is, I didn’t need advice at that moment. I needed someone to just sit with me in what I was feeling. Instead, I felt judged. Unheard. Like I haven’t spent any time thinking about it.

That conversation stuck with me. Not just because it pushed me to take some space from a friend but because it reminded me of something I’ve seen so many parents do with their kids. And before you say, “No, I never do that!” Yes, likely you do. And it’s the single largest reason why your teen doesn’t share with you

When our kids share their struggles, how often do we jump into “fix-it” mode? And how often does that push them further away? The good news is, they shared something with you. The bad thing is, it will be some time before they share with you again.

I still recount making a comment on my son’s Instagram account. He blocked me the next day. He still hasn’t let me follow him since. I think it’s a long-running joke with him now. There must be a statute of limitations on a first offender, right?

Remember, conversations don’t require hammers, saws and screwdrivers, they require love, patience and compassion.