Good Cop, Bad Cop Parenting: Are You Supporting Your Teen or Undermining Your Partner?

Are You Supporting Your Teen or Undermining Your Partner?

It’s a scenario I experience all the time:

One parent is the fun one: the confidant, the one who says yes, the one their teen runs to when they want something. The other parent is the disciplinarian. The enforcer of rules, the one who says no, the one who gets the eye rolls and slammed doors.

Does this sound familiar? It can be confusing for your teen and detrimental to your relationship.

This can be very common in households where parents are separated or divorced. I’m not going to lie; it’s usually the dad.

Many parents naturally fall into these roles. But here’s the real question:
Are you supporting your teen, or are you unintentionally undermining your spouse or your co-parent?

Why Do Parents Fall Into These Roles?

Most couples don’t set out to be opposites in parenting. It just happens.

• One parent had strict parents growing up, so they wanted to be more relaxed.

• One parent had little structure, so they felt pressure to enforce rules.

• One parent is around more and ends up handling more of the discipline.

• One parent hates conflict and would rather keep the peace.

Over time, one parent becomes the “good cop” while the other takes on the “bad cop” role.

And guess what? Teens notice. Marriages get tested.

How This Affects Your Teen

This dynamic might seem harmless, but it can have significant consequences.

✔ They Play You Against Each Other
Teens are smart. If they know one parent will say no, they’ll go to the other. “Mom said no, so I’ll ask Dad.” Over time, this creates division in the household, and they learn to manipulate situations.

✔ Resentment Toward the ‘Bad Cop’
When one parent is constantly enforcing the rules, they become the villain. Instead of seeing discipline as love, your teen sees it as unfair punishment.

✔ Lack of Consistency
Your teen gets mixed signals if one parent sets rules and the other bends them. “So… does this rule actually matter?” Inconsistent parenting weakens boundaries and expectations.

✔ Unrealistic Expectations for the Future
Life doesn’t always come with a “good cop.” If teens aren’t used to structure, accountability, and consequences at home, they may struggle with authority later, whether in school, work, or relationships.