How to Support Someone Grieving During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, family, and togetherness. But for someone grieving, the holidays can feel like an emotional minefield. Traditions are incomplete, laughter feels hollow, and every moment seems to amplify the absence of someone they love.

Grief doesn’t take a break for the holidays. In fact, the celebrations, lights, and cheer can make the empty seat at the table feel even bigger.

I know this because I’ve felt it.

The first Christmas after we lost Maddie, everything felt wrong. Her stocking still hung on the mantle, her favourite holiday song played on the radio, and there was an unspoken quiet in the house where her laughter used to be. It was hard to show up, smile, and engage in traditions that now felt like reminders of what I’d lost. Overwhelm took on a new meaning. I was trying to survive the season.

I didn’t even want to get a Christmas tree. The thought of decorating it without Maddie seemed unbearable. But at the last moment, on Christmas Eve, I ran out to Home Depot and picked one up. The good thing was that waiting so late only cost me $10. Looking back, it was the smallest thing: a scrawny tree, but it felt like all I could manage that year. And that was okay.

For anyone supporting someone grieving this year, know this: overwhelm is real, and showing up for the holidays, even in the smallest way, can feel impossible.

But you can make it easier.

Why the Holidays Amplify Grief

Grief during the holidays isn’t just about the person who isn’t there. It’s about:

The memories attached to traditions they loved.
The pressure to feel joyful when their heart feels broken.
The exhaustion that comes from pretending they’re “okay.”

An empty seat at the table, physically or emotionally, feels enormous. Even small tasks like shopping for gifts, cooking dinner, or attending gatherings can feel like climbing a mountain when you’re carrying grief.

Practical Ways to Ease the Burden This Holiday Season

1. Acknowledge Their Loss

Don’t avoid talking about their loved one for fear of “reminding” them of their grief. They haven’t forgotten. Mentioning their name can be a gift.

“I know this time of year must be really hard without Maddie. I’m thinking of her, and I’m thinking of you.”

Sometimes, the simplest acknowledgment can lift the loneliness.

2. Make It Easy to Show Up

Showing up, whether it’s for dinner, a gathering, or a holiday tradition, can feel like too much. Ease the burden by:

Offering to pick them up and drive them home. Removing that decision can make all the difference.
Giving them a pass on bringing anything for dinner. Tell them: “Your presence is more than enough. Let us take care of everything else.”
Offering flexibility: “If you need to leave early or just stop by, that’s completely okay.”

Even showing up defies what grief makes them feel like doing, so make it as stress-free as possible.

3. Pass on Christmas Presents

Exchanging gifts can feel overwhelming when someone is grieving. Shopping, wrapping, or even opening gifts might be too much. Instead:

Suggest skipping presents altogether. Say something like, “Let’s focus on being together this year. No pressure for gifts.”
Donate to a charity meaningful to their loved one. “We donated to the youth mental health foundation Maddie loved so much. It felt like the right way to honour her.”

This simple shift can turn a painful tradition into something healing.

4. Share Memories and Small Gestures

Small, intentional gestures can mean the world. Try:

Lighting a candle at the table in their loved one’s honour.
Sharing a memory: “I remember Maddie always got so excited for Christmas morning. I miss seeing that joy in her face.”
Creating space for them to talk about their loved one, if they want to.

Memories keep their loved one’s presence alive, even if their seat is empty.

5. Check In After the Holidays

Grief doesn’t end when the holidays do. The days after can feel even lonelier when the noise and distraction are gone.

A simple check-in: “How are you doing today? I’ve been thinking about you.”
Offering quiet company: A walk, a coffee, or a visit where no one feels the need to “fill the silence.”

What Not to Say or Do

It’s natural to want to make someone feel better, but grief can’t be fixed. Avoid phrases like:

“They’d want you to be happy.”
“It’s time to move on.”
“At least you still have the boys with you.”

Instead, meet them where they are. Acknowledge their pain and offer support without expectations.

The Greatest Gift: Your Presence and Understanding

If you’re supporting someone grieving this season, remember this: it’s not about fixing their grief. It’s about showing up for them as they are.

Ease the burden. Say their loved one’s name. Make it simple for them to be there. Let them know they’re not alone in their overwhelm and that their grief has a place at the table, too.

Sometimes, the most meaningful gift isn’t wrapped or under the tree. It’s your presence, your patience, and your understanding.

Because even showing up is an act of courage when you’re carrying the weight of grief.

Final Thought:
If you’re thinking of someone grieving this year, reach out. Offer a hand, a ride, or just the space to be themselves. You don’t need the perfect words. You just need to show up.

“Grief never goes away, but we can make it feel a little lighter when we carry it together.”

The Empty Seat at the Table: How to Support Someone Grieving During the Holidays