Do You Have These 6 Essential Parenting Skills For The Teenage Years?

The 6 Essential Skills Every Parent Needs to Support a Depressed Teen

As parents, we often think we need all the answers. We want to fix things, protect our kids, and steer them away from pain. But when your teen is struggling with depression, it can feel like navigating a storm without a compass. Having faced it with Maddie, my daughter, I know this all too well. There were moments when I didn’t know what to do or say, and it often felt like I was fumbling in the dark. Looking back, I realize I didn’t have all the skills I needed then. We can all learn these skills, and I’ve seen them as the tools every parent needs in their toolkit—like a Swiss army knife of soft skills.

Here are six essential skills every parent needs to support a teen with depression (Spoiler alert: these won’t hurt to have if your child doesn’t have depression), all of which I wish I had mastered earlier in my journey.

1. The Art of Listening

When Maddie was going through her darkest times, there were moments when I tried to fix everything. I thought I was helping by offering solutions, advice, and encouragement. But I didn’t realize that sometimes she didn’t need solutions—she just needed to be heard.

Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about truly being present. It means creating a safe space where your teen feels comfortable sharing without fear of being judged or “fixed.” It’s hard to sit in silence with your teen's pain, but listening is about letting them know you’re there, ready to hold space for their emotions.

I remember a day when Maddie was sitting quietly on the couch, barely talking. I felt the need to break the silence with questions, but instead, I sat beside her, quietly listening to her silence. Eventually, she began to open up—slowly, but surely. It taught me that sometimes, being there without words is the most powerful form of support.

2. Celebrating Progress: Acknowledgement Matters

One of my biggest mistakes was not acknowledging the small wins. I was always focused on the big picture—getting Maddie to a better place and ensuring she was happy again. But I missed the tiny steps of progress she was making along the way.

Acknowledgement isn’t about comparing your child to others or measuring them against an ideal standard. It’s about recognizing how far they’ve come from where they were. Maybe your teen got out of bed today when they didn’t yesterday. Maybe they opened up a little more or made it through another day. These small victories matter.

I remember the first time Maddie asked for help. She didn’t come out and say it directly, but she mentioned feeling off and asked if we could talk later. It may have seemed small, but it was a huge step for her. I learned to acknowledge those moments, however small because they were steps toward healing.

3. Patience: The Long Game

Depression doesn’t follow a straight line, and healing is rarely quick. I can’t count the number of times I grew frustrated because Maddie seemed to regress after making progress. I wanted her to be better—quickly—but that’s not how mental health works.

Patience is the skill of allowing healing to unfold at its own pace. It means letting go of the desire for immediate results and understanding that setbacks are part of the journey. Your teen might take two steps forward, and one step back, and that’s okay. It’s still progress.

There were days when Maddie seemed to be doing well, only to have a bad day that felt like a huge setback. It was hard not to feel defeated, but I learned that patience wasn’t just about waiting—it was about trusting the process, even when it felt like we weren’t moving forward at all.

4. Self-Awareness: Checking In with Yourself

Supporting a teen with depression is emotionally exhausting. I wish I’d realized sooner how important it was to check in with myself. I didn’t know then that my mental health was becoming compromised by the weight of Maddie’s struggles.

Self-awareness is about recognizing when you’re running on empty. It’s about acknowledging your own limits and taking care of your mental health so that you can be there for your teen. It’s okay to admit you’re not okay—it doesn’t weaken you. In fact, it makes you a better parent.

I found that when I started paying attention to my own needs, I was better equipped to help Maddie and my boys. There’s a reason why airlines tell you to put on your oxygen mask first—you can’t help others if you’re not taking care of yourself.

5. Resilience: Weathering the Storm

Let’s be honest—sometimes teens can be cruel, especially when they’re in pain. Maddie had moments when she lashed out; it hurt, and I didn’t always respond with patience and love. I took it personally, and it made me question my parenting. But I understood that her outbursts weren’t about me—they reflected her internal struggle.

Resilience is the skill that helps you weather the emotional storms without crumbling. It allows you to stand strong, even when your teen’s behaviour feels abusive or unfair. It’s about understanding their anger or sadness, which isn’t a reflection of you—it’s a manifestation of their own pain.

6. Advocacy: Being Their Voice

Finally, sometimes your teen needs you to be their voice. Whether it’s with teachers, therapists, or doctors, there are moments when you need to ‘advocate’ for them. This isn’t about being a helicopter parent—it’s about stepping in when your teen can’t speak up for themselves.

Sometimes, Maddie felt too overwhelmed to explain her feelings to her therapist or couldn’t deal with a teacher, so we had to step in and ensure her needs were understood. Advocacy is about standing up for your teen, not controlling their life, but ensuring they get the support they need.

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These skills take time to develop, and I certainly didn’t have them all when we were going through our darkest days with Maddie. But the beauty of these skills is that they’re not innate—you can learn them. You don’t have to be perfect; you must be willing to show up every day and keep trying.

For more insights, check out my article, “Raising a Child with Depression: What Every Parent Needs to Know.” Remember, you’re not alone—we’re all learning together.