From Suppression to Liberation: Breaking Free from Childhood's Emotional Chains
Has anything from your childhood haunted you to this day? It's likely that we've all had our fair share of devastating, upsetting, or embarrassing moments in our youth. Do these experiences continue to affect us in the present? Whether it's our first heartbreak, the loss of a beloved pet or family member, moving to a new city, changing schools, not making a sports team or enduring bullying, we all have a story from our childhood that still makes us cringe today. How did we handle those situations back then? While my parents did love me, they didn't know how to support me in those moments. I grew up in a culture that emphasized "sucking it up." Consequently, I buried and repressed those emotions. The problem is that these unresolved feelings become emotional triggers that can lead to more complex challenges later in life. Are we approaching our children's emotional well-being in the same suppressive manner our parents did with us?
Having a Heart-to-Heart with Younger Me
If I could travel back in time, I would have a candid conversation about emotional awareness with my younger self. I struggled with it for a long time, and it wasn't until my mid-forties that I truly grasped its significance. I would assure my younger self that it's perfectly alright to experience all the emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. It's okay to cry, be angry, and feel scared. I would emphasize that they are not alone in this journey. There are people who genuinely care about them and are eager to help them navigate whatever challenges they face. I would convey to my younger self that emotional awareness is a strength, not a weakness, and that it's a quality worth fighting for.
The Significance of Mourning Loss
Difficult events are inevitable, and our natural inclination is to move on from them as swiftly as possible. However, it's important to acknowledge that these events can have lasting effects. In the immediate aftermath of a challenging experience, it's common to feel shocked and deny the reality of the situation. These defence mechanisms assist us in coping with the pain. Nevertheless, allowing oneself the necessary time to grieve the loss is crucial, as we emphasize in the How Are You Feeling program. Though it may be an arduous and emotional process, it is an essential step toward healing. Once we've processed our emotions, we can embark on a healthy journey of moving forward.
Because Parents Aren't Therapists
As parents, we continually face the challenge of helping our children navigate their emotional landscapes. We desire to be there for them during moments of happiness, sadness, frustration, or embarrassment. However, we often find ourselves at a loss when it comes to dealing with our children's intense emotions. This is because we haven't been trained as therapists to engage in these types of conversations with our kids. Instead, we may find ourselves triggered by their unresolved feelings, unsure of what to say or how to respond in a helpful manner. This is precisely why we developed the How Are You Feeling program. It helps children understand and address their unresolved emotions and feelings in an engaging and entertaining manner. Additionally, it is an invaluable tool for parents, enabling them to have supportive, non-judgmental, trusting, and empathetic conversations with their children.
Conclusion
Our experiences shape who we are as individuals, and their impact extends far beyond the events themselves. How we handled those experiences at the time likely determines whether they still affect us today. It's essential to reflect on this question because our children will inevitably encounter their own difficult situations. Given the opportunity, would you approach those experiences differently in hindsight? It is never too late to make a change that can positively impact not only our own lives but also the lives of our loved ones.
