Turning Pain Into Purpose: 7 Ways to Honour Someone You’ve Lost

Grief Hurts. Legacy Heals.

In the beginning, I couldn’t do anything, not really.

I could barely speak about it.
All I could do was write.

Grief took everything from me: my energy, direction, and sense of self.
But slowly, painfully, something began to shift.

I started seeing cracks.
In our schools. In our systems.
In the way we talk about mental health. Or don’t.

The messages started pouring in.
Scared parents. Parents who were grieving.
Stories too close to my own.
It was disheartening. And it was clarifying.

I knew I had to do something more.
I had to amplify Maddie’s light, not just carry it.
I had to find others with similar pain and purpose and build something that mattered.

And through that, I found movement. I found people. I found purpose again.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:
Be patient.
Grief isn’t something you get over.
It takes time. A lifetime of time.
But if you stay open, there will come a moment when the pain starts pointing somewhere.
Somewhere forward.

That’s when purpose begins.

If you’ve lost someone you love, and you’re wondering how to honour them, not just in memory but in motion, here are seven ways to help.

1. Start a Charitable Foundation or Donor-Advised Fund

Legacy doesn’t have to wait until the end of your life.
You can begin now, in their name.

I’ve set up a Donor-Advised Fund so people can donate directly to Maddie’s Fund for Emotional Intelligence.
Maddie hated seeing kids struggle.
I truly believe emotional intelligence could make all the difference in how we connect, cope, and grow.
I know Maddie would’ve loved this. It’s easy, efficient, and heartfelt.

Using this fund, I can donate to any registered charity in Canada: causes that matter, in Maddie’s name, creating ripple effects far beyond our family.

2. Support a Cause They Cared About

You don’t need a big budget to make a meaningful difference.

Find a charity, initiative, or organization they would’ve supported — and get involved.
Volunteer. Fundraise. Share their mission.
It’s a simple way to carry their values forward and transform your grief into good.

Maddie’s story matters.
It resonates with parents.
It’s relatable to so many and a cautionary tale to stay vigilant.
Because no one sees it coming until it comes for them.

3. Share Their Story

Say their name.
Talk about them.
Tell the world who they were, what they loved, what made them laugh, and what you miss most.

Whether it’s through writing, speaking, or casual conversation. Their story matters.
You never know who needs to hear it.
Sometimes, a story about your person gives someone else the strength to stay.

4. Plant a Tree or Dedicate a Bench

Grief often needs a place to land.
Somewhere you can go when you miss them.
Somewhere quiet. Still. Grounded.

One of Maddie’s best friends' families donated Maddie’s Tree, now in a park near her school.
Her high school, the one she attended for only the first few months of Grade 9, installed Maddie’s Bench in the courtyard so kids could sit, reflect, and breathe.

It doesn’t bring her back, but it brings us closer.

5. Create a Purpose-Driven Project

Sometimes, the best way to honour someone is to build something in their name.

I’m incredibly excited to be working on MindGrade and MentorWell, two programs that I know will benefit kids and families greatly.
MindGrade gives students a voice in evaluating school mental health programs.
MentorWell pairs youth with emotionally intelligent mentors who care.

Maddie’s spirit shows up in both.
Her legacy is woven into their foundations.

It doesn’t have to change the world.
It just has to mean something to you and to the people it touches.

6. Help Someone Walking the Same Path

Grief can be incredibly isolating.
But there’s healing in connection.

If you know someone who’s struggling, be that compassionate ear.
Be the kind person someone can lean on and simply share with.
You don’t need to fix them. Just listen.

If you’ve made it through even one step of this journey, you can offer something meaningful to someone just beginning theirs.
Sometimes, the smallest acts are the most sacred.

7. Live Like They Would

This might be the most personal legacy of all.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life.
But I choose, every day, to live in a way that honours Maddie.
She’s become my guiding light and the guiding light for so many other families.

Be more patient.
Be more open.
Say "I love you" more often.
Laugh loudly. Forgive freely.
Speak up for what matters.

Let the best parts of them guide the way you show up in the world.

Your Pain Can Be a Bridge

Grief will always hurt, but it can also heal.
Not just you but others.

That’s what Maddie continues to teach me.
And that’s the gift we can give when we turn pain into purpose.