Unlocking Emotions: A Guide to Healthy Expression and Connection
Getting Unstuck: Breaking Free from Emotional Suppression
At a time in my life, I was trapped in the cycle of suppressing my emotions. It was as if I had built a fortress around my true feelings, which was taking a toll on my well-being. Sleepless nights became the norm as unresolved emotions haunted me. It took me years to realize that this unhealthy pattern needed to change. Although I've made progress, there are still moments when I struggle to address my emotions in real time. The consequences of suppression can manifest as insomnia, anger, stress, anxiety, or frustration. Living with this constant anxiousness only holds me back. I've learned that facing my emotions head-on, no matter how uncomfortable, is essential for my growth. It's akin to the daunting task of firing someone you know needs to go. The build-up to that moment can be unbearable, but a tremendous weight is lifted once you gather the courage to address the situation with dignity and compassion. The same principle applies to dealing with suppressed emotions. As the How Are You Feeling program reminds us, "The healing is in the feeling." I follow three guiding principles to ensure my children don't repeat my footsteps.
Breaking the Cycle: Empowering Our Children's Emotional Well-being
As parents, we often worry about our children repeating our mistakes or struggling with the same issues we faced. Regarding emotional health, one of the critical concerns is the conscious or unconscious suppression and repression of emotions. Here are three approaches to help our children avoid hiding their feelings, as many of us did in our own upbringing.
1) Openly discuss your emotions and encourage your children to do the same. By modelling healthy emotional expression, we create an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings. This has been a lifelong journey for me, and I'm still working on it.
2) Foster the development of healthy coping mechanisms from an early age. This could involve journaling, talking therapy, exercise, creative outlets, or any activity that allows them to process and manage their emotions.
3) If you notice your child struggling with suppressed emotions, address the issue proactively. Seeking professional help, if necessary, is far better than allowing the problem to persist and intensify.
Clearing the Path: Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity
It's perfectly normal for children to experience a wide range of emotions. Happiness may quickly give way to sadness, and that's part of their human experience. As parents, we can guide them by demonstrating how adults navigate their emotions.
Following the passing of my daughter, Maddie, we held a celebration of life to honour her memory. During the preparation, I shared my speech with my boys, who had witnessed my tears throughout that difficult week. I explained the significance of allowing emotions to flow freely and reassured them that it was healthy and normal. I asked my son, Zac, to listen to my tribute, emphasizing that I could handle anything if I could deliver it in front of him. It took multiple attempts before I could complete the speech without a complete breakdown, but we made it through. We also recorded Zac and Sawyer sharing their cherished memories of Maddie. It was undoubtedly the most devastating time in our lives, but we persevered. The boys and I sought grief counselling for months, establishing a rule that no matter the circumstances, they could always express their thoughts and emotions. This tragic event taught them the importance of allowing emotions to be acknowledged and processed.
Navigating the Rapids: Balancing Guidance and Space
Teaching our children how to manage their emotions, particularly teenage boys, can be daunting. We want them to express themselves healthily, but it often feels like they're closed off. While they may not always be forthcoming, we can still provide support by modelling healthy coping strategies ourselves. When to push them to open up and when to give them space is a delicate balance. Ensuring they feel safe and loved is essential. We build trust by assuring them of a judgment-free environment and showing unconditional love. This trust enables them to approach us when they feel overwhelmed or burdened. Regardless of the circumstances, being there for our children and demonstrating our unwavering love will help them navigate their emotions more effectively.
Conclusion
Suppressing emotions can become second nature, often without us even realizing it. We might do it to protect ourselves or others, but the consequences can be severe. As parents, it's crucial for us to recognize this tendency and consciously work against suppressing our emotions. Doing so safeguards our mental health and sets a positive example for our children. They observe our every move and absorb our behaviour. If they witness us openly expressing our feelings, even when it's challenging, they are more likely to follow suit. The next time you catch yourself uttering, "I'm fine," pause and reflect on why you feel compelled to conceal your true emotions. There's likely something there that needs exploration and healing. Embarking on this journey of self-discovery and emotional well-being is not only beneficial for ourselves but also for the growth and happiness of our children.
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